Can You Sea Me?

As I write this, I ponder and struggle to answer the question: “How would you describe yourself?”. It is such a simple question, yet many people like me find it hard to answer immediately. Everyone around me views me differently and may describe me in more ways than one. Only I can decipher myself amongst the many layers of defense I had put up to shield and spare myself from pain, though inevitable. I am the only one who truly understands myself best; to all my wants and needs, to the emotions I try to deny and suppress in front of others.

If I would describe myself, I’d describe myself as the sea. One moment it is calm and serene, the next stormy and turbulent. I am unpredictable but also like an open book. Unfathomable even, both have unknown depths, hidden from all except a lucky, chosen few. Many have tried to plunge into the wide and relentless waters, but only a few have successfully reached the seafloor and saw the beauty of it. I can be both warm and welcoming or harsh and foreboding. My thoughts are like the sea, vast and are seemingly endless; it's made up of the right chaos and peace. Full of mystery– an enigma and it is up to others if they decide to take a leap to discover what’s beneath the shallow waters and explore what lies in its depths. That there is more to what meets the eye.

I am more than what they see; I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an individual. I am me– flawed, full of scars and insecurities. I fear the unknown, especially the future, but I am also very optimistic about it. I find joy in the little things life has to offer me. I am strong-willed but also very vulnerable at times, as I easily get hurt and tend to cry at the smallest of things. I am caring and emphatic yet rude and cold the next. Even so, I have learned to love and accept the little things that made up me. Beautiful or not, my imperfections are what completes me. My awkwardness when I meet new people. How I tend to feel shy whenever I'm complimented. My loud laughter and bright, crooked smiles. The sparkle in my eyes when I'm talking about peculiar topics and my deep love for books and writing; how I would cry because one of the characters of the book I'm reading is hurt or when I'd shed a tear for a friend of mine. This is a glimpse of what's under the seemingly shallow and quiet waters that make up the imperfectly perfect me. So, let me ask you, are you willing to take the dive?